as long as it takes...

the other day that i met you in my dream, it felt so real. Then suddenly something happened and i remembered the day when i could hold ur hand in mine without thinking twice and today i feel i have to ask for permission from myself to even look at you...

Where has this life got me? or infact I should be asking Where have I got this life?

at times i feel its all ok and i need not worry and then the very next moment i realize no its not ok.

when will i grow up and start living...

Walk down the memory lane...

Today is special coz I read a friends blog and that post just made me look back and smile. Now lemme try and figure out what made me smile in that entry….
Years back when love was a feeling that was with me all the while and made me smile even when I was all alone. Those rainy days and walks in the wilderness, just looking into those eyes which I later got to know always sang for me. Those dreams shared and futuristic walks those bike rides and subsequent back massages, were a part of my life.
When every moment spent away from love was as long as a day and made the things around seem all rainbow colours. Those rainbows always made me sing. I remember the trip to various places where we moved with worship for each other looking at flowers glow and blossom in front of us. It was that sunset I remember the most when we walked up the mountain to view the ecstatic sun set and your glasses broke to give me the pleasure of showing you the dreamy landscape from my eyes. The way we sat under the tree shade, drunk with our touch.
Its all so really and yet so distant that every day that passes by makes it even more real and even more fading away.
Last couple of years away from you made me realize that it was this love that kept me alive and in my son I saw that love as crazy as yours...

Sunshine and Shadows/ Our friendship and our Ego

Found something written for me by a very dear friend ... on 26-May-2000… and it’s really worth sharing…

Sunshine and Shadows/ Our friendship and our Ego

She says we never fight…
But could we ever…fight?
O Yes, we could…But we can’t…
For the price is too high.. or is it?
… and what would we fight about?
We understand each other so totally
She says we are the closest to being one…
Yes… so close… and yet… we never fight
For we have paid the price for closeness
And set ourselves far apart… no… not ourselves, not our heart, not our minds,
But that one thing that subtly threatens to tear us apart
- never obvious… but always there – like our shadow in the sunshine.
We seek the sunshine of laughter
And the moonshine contentment
So secure…yet the shadow remains.

Perhaps it is good… No, it IS good…
Let the shadow remain…for without them,
What proof do I have that we live? ... that there is sunshine and moonshine?...
Not just to heat us…but to shine upon us
…and to cast out that dark forbidden thing
…upon the floor… where it belongs… and NOT in our heart… and our minds
…Its talons ready to shred the precious fabric of our love.
…and so we dance…like skaters on thin ice…
Swooping each other in graceful circles
Our hearts filled with a fire warmer than love…that of trust…
On lookers say we can’t afford to miss a step…or step too hard…
The ice will break…but I know we won’t… miss a step… or a heartbeat…and so we dance…

I grow reckless…we swirl faster…does she too…yes, she does…
The ice creaks ecstatically…the cold water claws its way up our legs, our hearts, our neck, our lips…but I still have her hand in mine… and our eyes still glow warm…
We will get through this too… we will…
All our sunshine memories will warm us and all the moonshine shall cool the water into ice… and we shall dance again…
A much more tender, yet surer dance.

And when sunshine comes, we shall run after the colorful dreams of spring …TOGETHER…

I am awake…

Somewhere in my heart I have given up
And resigned to the facts of life
Somewhere in my mind, I have made up
And realized life goes on no matter what.

Dreams have been moving flawlessly
In all corners of my mind,
Reminding me all the time….
Its time to WAKE UP….
But somehow I carry on
With my easy half closed and
Not realizing dreams can only become true if I am AWAKE

So suddenly today,
I acknowledge the fact …..
I AM AWAKE and will remain so……

Drifting away….

I have drifted
away from saneness
stumbled into the darkness
but I know I will smile again
as a dream passes me by.

Today….Tomorrow

Today I have cried yet again
Today I have taken a decision yet again
A decision strong and right
But it should be implemented and made alive.

Tomorrow I know I will smile again
Tomorrow I know will not be just another day.

Life at stand still

Life at stand still
Doesn’t move
Doesn’t want to be changed.
All efforts are useless
Nothing seems to work.
The ray of hope
Seems to light up suddenly
But it immediately disappears.

Wishing & trying hard
To reshape my life
Re-mould it desperately to,
Make it independent and free from bonds.

Don’t know how, to accomplish
My mission.
Don’t know how, to keep myself from collapsing.
Don’t even know, why I should do so.

looking for u....

When you are around

everything feels alive

and everything is filled with love.

Its for you things smile

Its coz of you dreams are alive,

and everything meets its reality.

When you move, life moves

everything blooms glowing with pride

and everything is filled with love and harmony......

Wind blows past me....

wind blows past me,
bringing with ut the fragrance,
Fragrance long forgotten
yet the fragrance in and about me.

Mind starts to work....
where, when and how
did I get to remember this?

Racing in front of my eyes
goes the scene-
walking the walk....
holding your smile in mine....
those flowers in the valley had blossomed in your eyes.

Walk down the memory lane...

Today is special coz I read a friends blog and that post just made me look back and smile. Now lemme try and figure out what made me smile in that entry….
Years back when love was a feeling that was with me all the while and made me smile even when I was all alone. Those rainy days and walks in the wilderness, just looking into those eyes which I later got to know always sang – Ese na mujhe tum dekho, seene se lagalonga. Palkon mein schoopa longa tumko, dil mein basa loonga. It was the most romantic any one can get for me. Those walks at parks those bike rides and subsequent back massages, were a part of my life.
When every moment spent away from love was as long as a day and made the things around seem all rainbow colours. Those rainbows always made me sing. I remember the trip to various places where we moved with worship for each other looking at flowers glow and blossom in front of us. It was that sunset I remember the most when we walked up the mountain to view the estatic sun set and your glasses broke to give me the pleasure of showing you the dreamy landscape from my eyes. The way we sat under the tree shade, drunk with our touch.
Its all so really and yet so distant that every day that passes by makes it even more real and even more fading away.
Last couple of years away from you made me realize that it was this love that kept me alive and in my son I saw that love as crazy as yours. My son is the most adorable of the dreams that has come true and ……